Spoilers for the entirety of the podcast musical: 36 questions.
For anyone who hasn't had the opportunity to hear Jonathan Groff and Jessie Shelton's flawless performance in the musical podcast: 36 Questions. 36 Questions is a story created entirely out of voice memos.
And outside of a few recordings of various events throughout the lives of Natalie Cook (a.k.a. Judith Ford) and Jase Conolly, the bulk of the story follows the fallout from the breakdown of their marriage. Jase, upon finding out his wife lied to him about who she really was, runs away to (essentially) a cabin in the woods without any warning. And Natalie, unable to give him up, follows him and suggests they play the 36 Questions (thus re-enacting their first date) so she can show him that she never lied about what truly mattered.
And while they both acknowledge they love each other deeply, Jase cannot get over her lies. He realises he will never trust her. And he leaves her yet again without finishing the 36 Questions. In turn, Natalie realises she has to give him up and finally leaves. But the story doesn't end there.
Unfortunately, Jase's pattern of running from his problems means he never truly gets closure. And whether or not he was right to leave her, the fact that he simply runs away without waiting for closure means that long after she gets over him, he's still stuck on her. And the breakdown of his second marriage definitely attests to this fact.
What Are The 36 Questions?
The 36 questions that lead to love are an actual set of questions developed by psychologists Arthur Aron, Ph.D., Elaine Aron, Ph.D., and other researchers. They start off innocuous enough: "Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?" to potential landmines: "How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?"
Depending on your childhood, the questions can be deeply intrusive and uncomfortable. But that's the entire point. The questions force you to be vulnerable. And the idea is that by creating a structure for speeding up intimacy, you also create room for greater understanding, greater intimacy and a stronger connection.
Of course, if the person being asked these questions doesn't feel comfortable answering, it can backfire greatly. And that's exactly what happens within the podcast.
We Never Get The Full Story, Only The Climax
By its very nature, the story provides a very limited viewpoint into the characters. We can only hear what they are willing to record. And the recording only really starts as a last ditch, desperate attempt by Judith to reconnect with Jase. We don't actually know what's led to the point they're at.
And that leaves a lot to interpretation.
I, personally, love Judith. Sure, I don't think she should've lied to her husband. But I view her as a deeply traumatised individual. I'd even argue she's the victim of child abuse. And that means her lies aren't simply an attempt to make herself look more appealing to Jase, they're a survival mechanism. Her parents didn't just set a bad example. They created an unsafe environment for her to grow up in.
I Think Judith Was Abused
I genuinely believe people don't go no contact for no reason. So many people forgive their families for doing things that should be unforgiveable. Cutting off close family members feels like you're going against your own nature. And to go so far as to go to a different state and change your name? Judith was genuinely afraid of her family. And I don't think she spoke the whole truth. And that's partly because Jase left her so soon after she began opening up. I don't even know if she understands how messed up her parents are.
And it can be pinpointed as early as in the song "Our Word". The whole point of that song is about how Judith was taught, from childhood, to lie to people to make herself look better. And the first lie began because she broke a boat within her father's office, a place she wasn't supposed to go, and instead of punishing her, her mother encourages her to lie.
Those are not the reactions of a spouse who feels safe in the home. Judith should've been disciplined for breaking the rules. And yet her mother was so afraid of Judith's father, she got Judith into the habit of lying to avoid his wrath. And I think it's particularly telling that Judith mentions she was expected to keep her parents' secret so they would cover up her mistakes.
We Don't Know If Camille Was Murdered Or Not But The Fact The Police Showed Up And Judith's Parents Had To Lie Says A Lot
It's even alluded to that a person died because of something Judith did / was involved in. And her parents didn't bat an eye. It took Judith almost drowning for her to put her foot down. And she didn't even stick around long enough to have a conversation with her parents, she just ran.
And no matter how deeply Judith's parents love her, to go so far as to cover up a potential murder / manslaughter to protect her? That speaks to a capacity for evil. Not just that, it shows they have the means to get away it. I know they're rich but good people aren't able to just call in a favour to cover up their child's involvement in someone else's death.
Judith and Jase's Marriage
We know Judith lied about her name and her parents being alive. We know she probably lied about her childhood as well though there are hints throughout the story that she did also tell Jase the truth about some things. So we don't really know how their marriage went.
Sure, she might've been a pathological liar. There's enough evidence to suggest Jase's mums hated Judith long before the secret was found out. For all we know, Judith might've been a loving and supportive wife hated by the dreaded in-laws. But maybe she was a monster who constantly manipulated Jase and his parents just weren't able to protect him.
We don't really know.
What we do know is that Jase only asked Judith for the truth once before he ran off. And he ran without any warning, while Judith was still processing the truth coming out. Now, of course I don't blame Jase for leaving Judith. If he wanted to leave her, that was his right. But I think he shot himself in the foot by leaving her without achieving closure.
A marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment. It's the type of relationship that shouldn't end until both parties have tried everything (without harming each other or breaking the law, of course) and realised nothing works. So no, I don't think Judith was manipulative for following Jase into the cabin. Because, honestly, she only spent a day chasing after him. Sure, she was insistent and in his face. And she took too long to apologise. But a day is not that long when its goal is to save a marriage.
Jase's Avoidance Hurt Him The Most
If you made it to the end of "36 Questions", you know Jase's second marriage also breaks down. We don't know enough to conclude this happened because he wasn't over Judith. What we do know is that Jase reached out to Judith, to finish his side of the 36 Questions, after years of no contact. And by the end of the story, he was still grappling with how to get over Judith. Despite the fact that at this stage, he shares custody of a son with a separate ex wife.
It's hardly a complement to the marriage that he seems to be more worried about his ex wife from years back than his current ex wife.
And I genuinely think it was shady of him to leave Judith at a motel without her car or ID. Sure, she had her phone on her but we don't even know if she had the money to call a taxi. He should've sat her down and firmly ended things. Or at the very least, he should've driven her back to his place and gotten her to leave.
Instead, she spent all night walking to his place and her car, crying. And while she was the one chasing after him, when they meet again, he's the one hinting at reconnecting. She ends up being the person diverting him from asking personal questions. Even in her tone of voice, you can see she's moved on. Or at the very least, she's closed herself off from being with him again.
But he hasn't. Because he never got closure. And he chose to avoid his problems rather than face them head on.
Music
The music was absolutely phenomenal. My favourite song has to be "For The Record". It's the perfect balance of playful and hopeful. And by this point, you're convinced they'll work it out. After all, it's fiction and there have been more unrealistic reconciliations.
The music goes a long way towards making you intimately aware of the characters' emotions. It wasn't just the fact that the songs were beautifully written but even the way the music transitioned into a scene felt very natural. I could listen to these songs on repeat endlessly.
And of course, they played a big part in showing the listener where the characters were. Pretty much up until the last song (when Judith and Jase meet again), the tempo is quicker. While either Judith or Jase are fighting for each other, the music is fast. But by the time they reach the last song "The Truth", the tempo is slower than it's ever been. Even when it speeds up, it's still slower than most of the other songs within the playlist. Thus signifying it's the end of the story.
Final Thoughts
The story doesn't have a satisfying ending. It doesn't even leave you feeling sure you can trust the main characters. After all, the entire point of the last song is that the truth is subjective. What one person views to be true, another might consider to be false.
Our lives are coloured by our perspectives and experiences. And even the opinions about the musical podcast and its' characters show that fact. After all, we are forced to fill in a huge chunk of the story.
And while some may consider Judith to be manipulative, others may view her as more of a victim. After all, she had no control over her parents. She lived a life of such misery and torment that when given the chance to escape it, she took it.
She shouldn't have lied to Jase. Or at least, she should've come clean. But she's a deeply traumatised individual whose safety was compromised. She needed more than a day to process that. And in the end, it seems she truly embraced her identity as Natalie.
And, in turn, Jase should've at least stuck around long enough to end things with her. She may have been a liar but she at least deserved a proper breakup. Instead, he ran from her three times and each time, she had to force him to speak to her. And this wasn't good for him either. He spent years dealing with the guilt of running.
And this meant that while she likely got over him, he never really got over her.