*spoilers*

Plot Synopsis

“her pretty face” by Robyn Harding follows the lives of upper-middle-class women (Frances) and the woes of a teenage girl who feels unseen and unloved by her parents (Daisy) with the occasional flashback showing the experiences of a young boy as he navigates his sister’s murder (DJ). Its utilisation of third person and flashbacks is well executed but for the most part, it’s just another book in an oversaturated genre.

Or so I thought.

The Lost Child: Daisy

For anyone looking in, Daisy lives a very privileged and sheltered life. She displays resentment at having to move constantly and never being able to put down roots but to an external observer, it’s just an unfortunate aspect of her family life that cannot be helped. Other than that, she must have a pretty sweet life right?

Wrong!

All of Daisy’s surface level needs may be met (she lives in a nice house, is provided for and was offered to be enrolled into private school) but she is emotionally neglected by her mother (Kate). And that emotional neglect causes her to be detached from her peers and throw herself into the arms of potentially dangerous men and situations simply for the chance to feel and be loved.

Daisy ticks off almost every characteristic of the Lost Child. The Lost Child is a part of dysfunctional families. The Lost Child’s family problems are rarely detected by an external observer. They tend to detach themselves from their own family and society as a whole and have a harder time forming healthy relationships.

The Golden Child: Charles

On the other hand, Daisy’s brother: Charles is not only loved but almost idolised. All of his needs, whether physical or emotional, are met. He may never understand his mother’s neglect of his sister as he has not only never experienced it personally but also received the exact opposite treatment. He is the Golden Child.

The Golden Child is also a part of dysfunctional family dynamics. They are generally the family favourite and they often end up becoming unintentional enablers in the abuse of their siblings as they rarely ever have to experience the abuse firsthand. They also may not even see or be aware of the abuse.

The Negligent Mother: Kate / Amber Kunik

My favourite aspect of the portrayal of her mother (Kate / Amber Kunik) is that she isn’t redeemed. She is a sociopath and her daughter was completely right in believing that she didn’t truly love her. In not inserting a patchy reconciliation that would’ve come off as cheap, Harding acknowledges the struggle of children who grow up in dysfunctional families.

What’s even more beautiful is the vast difference between Kate’s treatment of Daisy and Kate’s treatment of her other child, Charles. While Kate is a doting mother to Charles, she is practically a stranger to Daisy. This not only shows the brokenness of her own mind but also that not every child born in a dysfunctional family will necessarily suffer. Charles may very likely grow up to wonder why his older sister has such a bad relationship with his mother. And no, that was not a mistake. Kate may be biologically Daisy’s mother but she is emotionally only his mother.

In acknowledging Kate’s neglect of Daisy, both from the perspective of Daisy and an external observer (Frances), Harding solidifies that Daisy isn’t merely going through a teenage phase. She feels the lack of love and care her mother gives her and as a result, cares very little for own safety. She determines her value as a person by how loved she is by her mother and it isn’t until she is shown empathy by a maternal figure (Frances) that she actually starts caring about herself.

The Enabler Father

While Daisy’s father is nowhere near as bad as her mother, he still enables her emotional neglect. In many dysfunctional families, enablers assume that role due to a fear of the abuser. However, in the case of this book, Daisy’s father has no excuse. He knowingly prioritises the wants of his wife over the needs of his daughter. While he may only be accused of negligence, he is just as undeserving of Daisy and the status of fatherhood.

Impact of Neglect on Daisy

While Daisy establishes that she does not care for the opinions of her peers, she still plays along when they emulate affection for her, even when that affection is clearly not authentic. This is a result of the lack of value she places on herself and her lack of experience with genuine affection and love. Both of which are a result of the emotional neglect she suffers while living with her dysfunctional family.

When she meets David, despite knowing that he is dangerous (as he both stalked her and supplied her with alcohol and drugs to make her lose consciousness), she is drawn to him. In the haze created by her emotional neglect, he seems the only person who cares for her.

“She didn’t pine for his attentions, like she once had. Now that she lived in a stable home where she felt loved and cared for, she no longer craved the man’s attention. But still, David stayed with her, floating through her mind, appearing in her dreams.”

Once she is in a home where she is loved and cared for, she does not need him like she used to.

“DJ, Francis Metcalfe, Daisy’s aunt and grandmother all viewed David as a villain. They didn’t know how he had rescued Daisy after Dylan’s party; how he had rejected her advances when she crawled into his bed; how he had held her and let her cry on his chest. They didn’t trust him. But Daisy did. Because David had done for Daisy what Shane Nelson had not done for Courtney Carey. He had saved her life.”

Despite this, as he was still one of the first people who appeared to show her genuine love in the midst of the emotional neglect her family subjected her to and her shaky sense of belonging. She cannot let him go as, in her mind, he has become a savior. A misunderstood hero.

Overall Message

Contrary to what one might be quick to assume, Daisy’s lingering admiration and affection for David is not a result of the author romanticising the, at best creepy and at worst, danger to society but a genuine exploration of the psyche of someone who has experienced the level of family dysfunction she has.

As is shown repeated throughout the book, those who lack or lacked a strong family foundation are more vulnerable to being preyed on. While Daisy’s newfound support network (Frances, DJ, her extended paternal family) is a protective factor against her falling prey to those who would seek to exploit her, it is not enough to reverse the damage already caused to her psychy by her mother’s emotional neglect and the resultant dependency she formed on David.

Sources

Dysfunctional Family Roles