I am fully Bengali (as far as I know). And I’m easily recognizable as Bengali (at least by my own people) so I don’t have personal experience with this problem. So if I get any part of this wrong, I apologise. I can only hope that the second hand experience I have through hearing the voices of mixed and “white passing” people is enough. If it isn’t, I truly am sorry and feel free to correct me.
Human Beings Absorb The Traditions They’re Exposed To
I am of the opinion that you don’t have to be 100% (biologically) a part of a culture in order to have a claim to that culture. You may only have a parent from that culture or even just a relative. But so long as you are respectful, you have a right to explore that part of your heritage. I also believe that you can be adopted into a culture. Whether that be through adoption, marriage or just plain living among the people of that culture for a long time.
It’s an undeniable fact that, we as humans, are social beings. We absorb what we experience. If you were born in a country or spent your childhood in a country, you will undeniably absorb aspects of that country’s culture. That’s something we should celebrate (so long as you remain respectful of that culture). It’s also important to note that adopted kids absolutely have a right to both their biological and adoptive parents’ heritage(s). If adoptive children are excluded from their family’s culture, it can create a sense of isolation and prevent that child from relating to their family. And that’s not okay.
I would love to adopt one day and I will never exclude any of my future children from my (and their) heritage. In fact, I’d likely pick a fight with anyone who accused my children of cultural appropriation simply for following traditions. That also goes for potential future daughter / son in laws.
Marrying Into A Culture
If you marry someone of a different culture to you, you have a right to that culture. In fact, it’s likely you’ll be asked to partake in cultural traditions. And you should absolutely participate. It’s not disrespectful in any way. If anything, I might find it disrespectful if my future spouse refused to partake in my culture’s traditions. For many people, it’s a way of bonding and showing that your spouse is part of your family. If you’re of the opinion that your spouse can never experience your culture unless they’re born into it, you may as well just admit you don’t want interracial marriage. It’s essentially the same exclusivist ideology.
In both adoption and marriage, the individual is accepted into a family they are not biologically related to. But this is still a family with bonds that should be respected. Please stop telling white people they’re being offensive if all they’re doing is partaking in their spouse’s or family’s cultural traditions (respectfully). A white woman rubbing mud on her face and dancing badly to Bollywood music is not the same as a spouse / adopted child wearing traditional clothing or learning traditional dance. So why is the former often laughed with while the latter is attacked?
Racism is a real issue we need to address as a society but we also need to be able to distinguish between respecting a culture and disrespecting it. An individual allowing their in laws to dress them for an event is not disrespectful. Wearing another culture’s traditional garb as a costume for Halloween is disrespectful. The two are very different as the context and intent are different.
If I married someone outside of my culture and they wanted me to partake in their cultural traditions, I would never refuse. The way I see it, marriage is not just a relationship between two people. It’s also the combining of two families (and sometimes two cultures). When I get married, I would also like to feel like a part of my spouse’s family. And culture is important to a lot of families. So I’d want to share my culture and also be a part of my spouse’s culture(s).
In my opinion, that’s the epitome of respect.
White Passing
I hate the term white passing. I don’t think most people even understand what white passing means. In my opinion, you can’t accuse someone of “white passing” if you aren’t a part of that culture. Someone from the other side of the world may not be able to recognise where I’m from but my own people will always be able to tell.
And just from personal experience, I know that Bengali people are incredibly diverse in a way that only Bengalis could ever fully understand. Even the language itself is diverse depending on the region. The way I speak, coming from Dhaka, is completely different to how someone from Sylhet would speak (even though both cities are in the same country). Not to mention that our skin tones can vary dramatically. Even my own skin tone has completely changed from birth to adulthood. But it would be unfair to look at a photo of me from when I was 4 and say I’m white passing. Because unless you’re a Bangali, you don’t know that.
And in fact, I did look like a white baby when I was born. A lot of brown and black babies are born white and they grow darker as they age. My skin was white until I was six or seven. And then it gradually darkened to the shade it is now. And in fact, my skin shade changes throughout the year. During the summer, my skin is dark enough to be a different race and during winter, it is pale (comparatively). Skin colour simply is not a useful tool to determine race.
While I can agree that someone who genuinely “white passes” may not necessarily face the same type of racism, “white passing” people still face racism. Someone’s appearance may be the first thing to be noticed but it’s not the only thing that alludes to someone’s cultural background.
If this was just about being accused of “white passing”, I would not care but people who pass are often accused of cultural appropriation. They may even be treated like an outsider in their own community. Now, this may not happen to people living in their native country but it definitely happens with immigrants.
When we validate the idea that in order to claim a race, you have to be darker, we feed into racial essentialism. Which is basically the idea that race is a purely biological construct rather than one that is made through culture, history and tradition. Like it or not, race is socially constructed. Two people could look similar but be from two different countries with completely different cultures, traditions and history. If we start reducing race to biology, we end up on a slippery slope back to the same ideas that supported slavery and segregation.
Mixed People
Mixed people have just as much a right to their culture as their non-mixed counterparts. And you should never presume to tell someone that they don’t have a right to their culture. It can be incredibly offensive and may even contribute to generational trauma (as in the case of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people who are mixed as a result of genocide).
You don’t know the circumstances of someone’s family history. In the best case scenario, they’re mixed because their parents or grandparents fell in love. Worst case scenario, they’re mixed as a result of colonisation and genocide. If the former, it’s still offensive but if it’s the latter, you have contributed to generational trauma.
So if you have an opinion on a mixed person’s heritage, maybe keep it to yourself. And remember, you are not entitled to know the specifics of someone’s trauma. And saying that they should get over it because it happened to their grandparents is not a legitimate excuse and only makes you sound like a racist bigot.
Just remember that we are fighting to end discrimination TO protect people, not to feed our egos. And part of protecting people requires us to listen and educate ourselves. If you run your mouth at every opportunity and only seek to make yourself look good, you are not a good ally. You need to slow down and take a moment to re-evaluate why you want to end racism.
Quick History Lesson
As someone who has studied the history of race and colonisation at university, I’m going to share a little trivia to help people understand that racism is different based on region.
During slavery, the US had the “one drop” rule which basically dictated that even if someone only has a drop of black blood, they are black. This is what led to the original cases of white passing. It was done as a survival technique because being black was dangerous and likely to get someone killed. So even though slave masters often raped their slaves, those children were not acknowledged and just became slaves. So in modern America, there is now a stronger inclination towards discounting the ideology. Therefore mixed people who are mostly white are seen as white, not black.
In Australia, the opposite was the case. Colonisers perceived Aboriginal people as a species that could be “bred out”. White men would frequently have sexual relations with aboriginal women and those children would then be stolen to be “re-educated”. They were then made into domestic servants and they were perceived to be superior to their aboriginal parent. This was done as a way of wiping out aboriginal people. Many modern aboriginal people are mixed and / or lack a connection to their family because of this. That’s why modern aboriginal people have the ideology that no matter how much milk you add to coffee, it’s still coffee meaning that no matter how much white ancestry an aboriginal person has, they’re still aboriginal.
I have seen so many Americans attack aboriginal Australians without knowing anything about Australia’s dark history. While they blindly attempt to be activists, they contribute to and validate genocide. It doesn’t matter that they have good intentions because they cause harm.
And this is why it’s important to have an open mind and listen. We need to understand that not every country is the same. When you try to speak over a group of people without having any understanding of their struggles, you only expose that you are narrow minded and ignorant. For all you know, while you are attempting to be an activist, most people outside of the area you live in think you’re stupid. We need to acknowledge that there is no one size fits all solution to racism. We also need to acknowledge that we know shockingly little about the world outside of the area we live in.
Final Thoughts
I am not here to judge people and I am not here to preach. I would like to listen and understand. If you have an opinion on what I wrote, feel free to leave a comment. I look forward to hearing your thoughts. But if you leave an offensive remark, I will not hesitate to delete it. This is a safe space for the most vulnerable people in our society. I will not coddle racists. So do not expect me to be tolerant of bigotry.
I’m currently studying Race in Literature and Race and Decolonisation. Both of those look at the history of racism, legal doctrines and legal cases. My knowledge is mostly on Australia but I do know a bit about American history as well. Obviously, I wouldn’t consider myself an expert on the issue but if you want to know more about racial essentialism and passing, let me know. Although I’ll warn you, it’s depressing. I basically despise everything I have to read for these subjects because of how depressing it all is. And it’s especially depressing knowing that what I’m reading either is real life or based on it.
