(When I first started writing this post) I recently graduated from high school so I am by all accounts, the most accurate source on high school life. So how is it that a middle aged writer can produce a picture of high school that is seemingly more authentic than my own accounts? How can I, someone who has spent a vast portion of her life in high school, not have the most accurate picture of it?

And then a thought came to mind. What if the reason why it felt like a middle aged author could more authentically describe high school than me was just because of the same ideas being repeated over and over? I’ve seen high school represented in the same way so many times that it manages to seem more authentic than my actual experiences.

In the end, authentic storytelling is not actually about what is accurate. It’s about what feels accurate. And because a specific picture of high school has been generated through generations of books, it seems more true to life.

In actuality, my experiences with high school were very different to the accounts that I often read in books. Maybe it’s a result of the high school I went to or my personality. But either way, my true experiences seem less authentic than a fictional story about high school. In fact, were I to write my characters the way I and my peers actually spoke in high school, it would be simultaneously cringey and preachy (we were a bunch of nerds okay).

The biggest example I can think of is that I was openly queer during high school. And there were many who were against it but very few people had the guts to say it to my face or give me shit for also liking women. Sure, when I performed “Girls / Girls / Boys” by Panic! at the Disco in front of the whole school, there were definitely people in the audience who were uncomfortable and wanted me to stop singing but there were also people cheering me on. I didn’t get bullied for being gay. I got bullied for being a weirdo but not one of the homophobes in my school had the spine to come at me for being gay. At most, they expressed discomfort.

But in stories it’s very different. And I get that. I know that there are many queer people who can’t come out because it’s actually unsafe for them. Who do get bullied and harassed but why should I feel compelled to write that when it isn’t my experience? Why is it that writing my own experiences of being queer feels false. How can I write experiences that have happened to me yet still feel they are not authentic?

Also, when I was in high school, I participated in many discussions about politics and social issues. And yet, when that is portrayed within fiction, it’s labelled as “woke propaganda” and dismissed as being preachy. Like it or not, we have certain expectations when it comes to fiction. And we genuinely don’t want stories that are fully realistic. (Most of us go to the bathroom and yet it’s not something we write about).

Authentic storytelling is not based on reality. It’s an equation repeated over and over. Which is why so much of teen fiction seems to be a carbon copy of what came before. If you really analysed the behaviour of teenagers in most stories, you’d see massive overlap. You may even come to find that the same type of character appears in a multitude of books. That’s more because readers enjoy that character archetype and pushes the story forward than because it’s realistic.

I Would Not Make A Good Protagonist

If I were ever to write myself in a story, I would be a host of contradictions. I will say one thing one day and change my mind the next day. Not because I can’t make up my mind but because I live in a world that’s constantly changing. For the first 16 years of my life, I was a devout Muslim but at 21, I’m agnostic at best. I used to be a complete pushover who would allow all sorts of disloyalty from my friends and now, I could even be described as cut throat. I cut people off for infractions that teenaged me put up with regularly. That’s life. But it doesn’t work in fiction.

Sure, we all expect character development but we have certain expectations for it. We don’t expect characters to do a sudden flip in personality and values. We expect gradual shifts where by the end, the character still remains mostly how they were at the beginning. And in fact, characters who switch up too fast are seen as disingenuous. On the flip side, if the character doesn’t change enough, the character is accused of being stale and flat. But often, in reality, it is kind of like snapping. I put up with bad behaviour for most of my life and when I finally had enough, I became a completely different person. The type of person who once she’s made up her mind to cut someone off will not accept apologies. On the surface, at least. Sure, my views have changed but I am just as stubborn as I always have been. At the end of the day, no matter how much someone changes, who they are at their core is constant. And at my core, I am an inconsistency.

I am a loud and confident person but at the same time, I’m a rule follower. I don’t really break the rules. If something scary is happening, I choose the safest option (you can bet your arse, I’d be running the moment I noticed even a sign of a horror movie). And I am not the embodiment of morality. If I was being tortured, I would crack within seconds. If I was the heroine of my own stories, I’d be betraying everyone left and right the moment someone threatened my life. I’d also never explore creepy places by myself. If there’s a noise outside, I’m locking the door and checking it out in the morning. And you can be assured if someone I cared about got attacked, I’d be calling the police, not putting myself in danger to protect them. What could I do? Most likely, I’d also get myself hurt.

Essentially, if I wrote a character exactly like me, it would be completely realistic but absolutely not the character other people want to read about. In fact, if I was the main character, the story would end so fast. I’m also not as forgiving as most protagonists. If someone betrayed me, they’d be kicked out of my life so fast. There would be no grovelling in a story about me. I’d wreck the person who betrayed me so hard they wouldn’t have the guts to contact me again. And so you’d have 30 pages at most before I moved on.

My life is boring and I don’t mind being alone. I could comfortably watch netflix rather than put up with toxic people. And that’s not what you want with a protagonist. You want someone who makes issues for themselves, who puts themself in danger, who is morally superior and who will suffer for 400 pages before figuring out what’s right. That’s the archetype most people enjoy. Sure, they may call the protagonist annoying but do you really want a character who solves all her problems like a rational human being? You’d be stuck with a book that’s 30 pages.

It doesn’t matter whether or not authentic storytelling is realistic or not. All that matters is that the story and characters feel right.

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