I will never promote book bans or suggest that adults should have their reading restricted. I only ask that we hold books up to the same standards that we hold movies. If a movie had excessive violence, sexual themes or inappropriate (for children) content, it would have a parental rating. In fact, in shows that depict violence, there is a warning before the movie / episode starts to let the viewer know. And this means that people who don’t want to watch excessive sexual violence or gore have the opportunity to avoid movies that depict it.

But when it comes to books, there are no warnings. In fact, dark romance and indie authors are among the small group of writers who actually have content warnings. Otherwise, you could be a teenager picking up a book on incest and never know it (I’m speaking from experience). You could pick up a book with a pink dress as the cover and halfway through, you see stories from Nazi Germany. There are no content warnings whatsoever and that cannot be allowed.

People have a right to avoid things that could trigger them. Which means that just as movies and shows have to warn people when they depict excessive violence, there should also be a rating and a content warning page at the beginning of the book. If someone doesn’t want to read about rape and violence or nazis, they should be allowed to. You never know who may read the book. There’s so much risk for a person to get severely triggered.

Books don’t hold back. They speak about the harsh reality of the world. Not everyone can handle that. Not everyone wants to read it. And it should be a choice. And especially when the audience of a book are children, the author needs to take accountability. A book targeted at minors shouldn’t be glorifying drugs and abusive relationships. Because remember, while an adult may be able to recognise it as fiction, a minor may not be able to. A minor could be reading about and relating to an abusive relationship without knowing that something is wrong.

Problematic Authors (Teen Romance)

I think a majority of mainstream romance is problematic. Considering the current epidemic of male violence against women, it seems tactless to continue to romanticise stalking, emotional manipulation, controlling behaviour and incel rationalisations. I think authors have an obligation to warn their reader if they’re going to unapologetically romanticise abusive, manipulative or toxic relationships.

And while many would jump to accuse me of infantilising women, I’d like to remind you that even in a first world country like Australia, around one woman a week dies from domestic violence and it is the main cause of homelessness for women. While I absolutely do NOT blame the women, especially considering I’m also a victim of abuse, I think there’s a massive gap in our education. We clearly need to dedicate more time educating people on the early signs and red flags of an abusive relationship.

So yes, while it is often dangerous for abuse victims to leave their abuser, there are often signs at the beginning of the relationship. Signs that may be obvious to someone who has either worked in domestic violence or has experienced it, but it will not be obvious to the average person. Especially not to young people, whose brains are still developing and who are still relatively inexperienced.

If you’ve never faced domestic violence, it is easy to assume that possessiveness and love bombing is a sign someone loves you. It is easy to think that romanticising a man threatening to kill himself if a woman doesn’t go out with him is perfectly fine. But if you’ve actually had a man threaten to kill himself if you leave (like I have), you know that it is terrifying and wrecks you emotionally.

I Love Dark Romance

Funnily enough, I don’t have a single problem with dark romance. For one, it’s meant to be for adults. I wouldn’t be okay with a kids show overly sexualising its characters but if an adult wants to watch porn, I have no issues with it. That’s kind of how I see it.

Yes, of course I still advocate for content warnings but dark romance writers already do that. There’s usually at least a two page warning on most dark romance books with the author giving thorough explanations on what may be triggering. So if you choose to skip that or you ignore it, that’s on you, not the author.

And as for minors finding these books, that’s on the parent. While a parent would be justified in believing that teen romance and kids shows would be appropriate for their kids, it’s up to them to ensure their kids don’t read adult fiction.

I also don’t believe that it’s romanticising abuse. Dark romance authors make it very clear that their books are meant to be a fantasy and not a reflection of what they want from a real relationship. Reading dark romance is like reading horror. You wouldn’t assume that a lover of horror movies can’t tell the difference between reality and fiction so why would you assume otherwise here?

Let adults read what they want to read. And if you, personally, can’t tell the difference between fiction and reality, seek therapy. Don’t assume that other adults suffer from the same problem. Some of us can in fact tell that a strange man chasing you through the woods wouldn’t be sexy in real life.

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