In a world that is becoming increasingly globalised, where it might be common to study, work and live with people who were born in and grew up in another country, saying something is common sense is kind of redundant. Common sense isn’t instinctive, it’s taught. And so obviously, what we view as common sense will vary depending on how we were raised.

Two people living in the same country can have completely different outlooks on life. And this could come down to something as simple as family traditions and parenting styles.

I have spent most of my life getting in trouble for supposedly missing the obvious. But to me, it genuinely wasn’t obvious at the time. But once someone bothered to have a conversation with me to point out why they’re upset, I make an effort to adapt. I have changed my behaviour on so many occasions to make other people comfortable.

And I’m sick of it.

There are so many times in which someone offended me. But I didn’t bite their head off about it. Sure, sometimes I get angry. But in that case, I distance myself from the person until I’m calm enough to have a conversation. And then I explain. And as long as the same thing doesn’t keep happening, I let it go.

Example: In Asian Countries, It’s Common Sense To Not Wear Outside Shoes Inside

And before anyone accuses me of making excuses. Let me give you an example of something that is common sense for me but isn’t for everyone else.

I grew up in Bangladesh and in Bangladesh, it is common sense to take your shoes off when you come inside. And there are valid reasons for this. You bring in so many germs inside when you walk in the shoes that have probably stepped in dog poop into your home, especially if that home is carpeted. It’s a valid hygiene concern.

And yes, I moved to Australia when I was 8 and that’s not a common practice here. But I still spent the first 18 years of my life living in a home where you NEVER wore outdoor shoes inside. It was the height of disrespect.

And when I finally moved out at 18, I obviously moved into a house where shoes were worn inside. And I found that I was frequently waking up congested. It was only once I enforced the rule that no one could come into my room wearing shoes that this problem stopped.

For me, it’s common sense not to wear shoes indoors. And yet, I still have conversations with people and explain why I need them to take their shoes off inside. That for me, it’s a matter of my health and comfort. The inconvenience of taking off their shoes to step into my room doesn’t compare to the discomfort of waking up congested every morning.

Jumping Straight Into Arguments Before Discussions Makes You Unlikeable

Listen, I know it can be hard to keep your anger in sometimes. If you’ve known something as a fact of life your entire life, it can be jarring to have to explain it to someone. But honestly, I think people are too happy to start arguments. It won’t kill you to take a moment to breathe and step back into the conversation once you’ve calmed down enough to explain your point rationally.

And yes, I know that sounds condescending. But it’s also true. You have to ask yourself how much you value the relationship with the person you’re speaking to. And then you have to ask yourself how long you will stay angry. If the person you’re speaking to is a dear friend or someone you’ll be forced to interact with everyday, someone with whom having tension would be incredibly inconvenient, think before you speak. And if you realise that you’ll forget about this in two days, don’t damage a relationship.

You will forget but the person you yelled at never will. And sure, they may try to change. They might adapt and follow what you consider common sense. But how you treated them will not be forgotten. And over time, it all adds up. And eventually, they may decide to either cut their relationship with you or choose to keep you at arms length.

No One Enjoys Being Made To Feel That They’re Stupid

In a world where people think being an obnoxious and stuck-up tool equals brutal honesty and making fun of someone’s insecurities equals humour, it’s important we remember we’re talking to a human being. And human beings have a fragile self-esteem.

Don’t be the reason why someone else feels inadequate. Don’t lose your cool if it’s a first time offence. If it’s a pattern of behaviour then yes, be more blunt and less kind. But if you’ve had a great relationship with this person up till now, maybe say exactly how you’re feeling. Give them a chance to prove to you they care about before you conclude they’re clearly out to hurt you.

Final Thoughts

So, I started writing this to remind everyone to be kind and understanding. I’ve seen a few situations where someone lost their temper and risked a relationship over something that might’ve been solved with a simple conversation. And in the process of writing out my thoughts, I’ve been forced to remember a recent conflict with a friend of mine.

And I’ve come to realise that maybe I reacted too quickly. No, I didn’t yell or scream at him. I simply distanced myself from the relationship and chose to believe he intentionally set out to hurt me.

And it’s been weighing on me because before this interaction, he had been a genuinely good friend to me. He never gave me the idea that he didn’t care about my feelings before this point. Quite the opposite actually. And I guess that’s why the interaction has been weighing so heavily on me. I couldn’t understand how someone who had always treated me kindly and would only ever tease me lightly could be this cruel to me. Could make me feel so small and insecure.

Maybe that’s why I was so hurt. That one interaction made his previous behaviour towards me appear disingenuous. Especially when, upon our next meeting, he acted like nothing was wrong. And seemed genuinely confused when I distanced myself. How could he not understand?

I should talk to him.